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rachel at phoenixfeather.net
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July 12, 2004
On Edge
Family , Life , Water

So I'm getting my thoughts and feeling out, both bad and good. Lets start with the downside and get it over with.

Kevin's sister Susie or his mother call a little two close together or at an odd time and my blood pressure jumps up a few notches. Kevin's does too, I can see it. Sometimes it happens when the phone rings even before I know who it is. Kevin answers, everything turns out to be okay and tears run down my face. I can't help it, its a release of emotions I don't know how to deal with.

I'm on edge all the time. In the back of my mind I see any nice moment, anything that I'm enjoying, and I know it can collapse at any time. I know its supposed to be over with. The funeral is over, life should be going back to normal, and hopefully it will soon. But a year ago it was supposed to be over with as well. I guess I shouldn't expect it to be over, its life it doesn't just stop cause I'm tired.

So I'm ploughing on, but just about anything can make me jump out of my skin at this point.

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